Excitement v’s nervousness – Diary entry no.8

2018-10-09T16:32:01+00:00October 9th, 2018|

Dear diary…well here we are, just days away from the great gathering, and the end of my Sassenach scribblings for now…

Well what a journey it has been indeed! I have learnt much, slept little, only relaxed for seconds at a time, yet the prevailing thought has been –“it will be worth it!!!” Anything you put this much energy into, you have to get back I am certain, so if that is the case- this is going to one hell of a weekend!!

So people keep asking me over the last few weeks are you excited?? And truthfully, I haven’t been, there has just been too much to organise and that I’ve been responsible for, to have space to let the emotion in – there literally hasn’t been time for it.

So I have been waiting for this ‘emotional event’ to happen…. When.. will .. it come!?!?

Last night I dreamt of the wedding the whole night, yet I was on edge with this nervous-type energy…that was the first time I think I had ever been nervous during my sleep!!

And I don’t feel nervous about the wedding in real time at all yet…

So it has left me pondering today the difference between excitement and nervousness… because they are driven by kind of the same sort of energy… just one is with a positive feeling of happiness and the other is with fear or dread…

So that is my challenge I think in the days ahead and for the event that is coming. To stay in the light, the positive and the happiness, and not enter into the darkness of the fear of the ‘what if’s” but stay in the “what shall be!”. (Or just to “feel the fear and do it anyway!” which has always been one of my favourite sayings.)

So Finally just last week when me and my ‘Jamie’ were working out the finer details of our ceremony, all of a sudden there was this raw energy there, and the vision was crisp and clear and AMAZING! This is going to be absolutely incredible once-in –a lifetime stuff! And I was flooded with this buzz that lifted me up and carried me away….

And so it is here! The excitement is with me, and I drift off from time to time into my thoughts and visualise all I imagine and feel this is going to be. So that is the energy that drives me now in these final days and hours of preparation.

This will be one of the best days of our lives; an absolute honour, gift and privilege; and if what scares you makes you feel the most alive, then this will be LIVING in is truest sense!

We will embrace it, love it, feel it and treasure it, and thank you all for being a part of it!

Farewell for now, yet see you all very soon,
Your soon-to-be-wed- Sassenach, Michaela